


Snow White Pig, the Witch, and the Seven Faeries

by WarriorNun



Series: Victuuri Myths and Legends [3]
Category: Snow White - All Media Types, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: A hot and extra witch, Alternate Universe - Snow White Fusion, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/F, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Falling In Love, Fractured Fairy Tale, Love at First Sight, M/M, More characters being introduced as we go along, References to the Brothers Grimm version as well as Disney, Sexual Humor, Snark, Snow White Elements, Some skaters are faeries, There are references to dwarves, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Victor is a witch, Yuri's potty mouth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2018-11-23 18:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11407626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorNun/pseuds/WarriorNun
Summary: It all started with a mirror...stating that there is a person that is the fairest in the land. With skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair dark as the wood of the cherry blossom tree.Enter Yuuri Katsuki...the man who never thought of himself as the fairest but yet for some odd reason, some magical bathroom accessory voted him as one. And that somehow prompted the offended prince to somehow find some way to assassinate him for looking pretty!Throw in some disinterested huntsman, seven men in the woods who claimed to be faeries (dwarves are always a bunch of stingy jerks...) and a witch who is so extra, that trait earned him a boot to the head by one of the faeries on sight!This is Snow White and the Seven Dwarves...or rather...the Snow White Pig, the Witch, and the Seven Faeries....What are you expecting? Lion Jesus?





	1. A Normal Morning

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by http://sinran.tumblr.com/ for her Snow White and the Seven Dwarves AU art with Victuuri! ^^ Check her out!

_Once upon a time there lived a happy couple known as the Katsukis, who owned a hot spring inn._

_They are not one of the wealthiest of people nor the poorest but they get by with their natural hot spring bathhouse resort in their small town, living a rather simple and humble life._

_One winter day, Hirako was sewing one of her embroidery projects when she pricked her finger upon a needle. From there, a drop of red blood feel upon the white snow. She marveled on how the colors beautifully contrasted with each other with the black wood of the cherry blossom tree that is grown in the garden._

_“Oh, how I wish for a child with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as the cherry blossom tree.” She sighed dreamily._

_Sometime later, the Katsukis finally have a child, a little girl._

_Unfortunately, said child doesn’t have the exact features that Hirako wished for. Only brown eyes and hair. But they loved her nonetheless and named her Mari._

_Cut to seven years later, and they have a son. That have the exact features that Hirako wished for._

_They named him Yuuri._

-

“Yuuri…Yuuri…”

Yuuri furrowed his brows as he stirred awake from his sleep. He blinked a few times until his vision cleared up, seeing the familiar mop of golden blond hair with a small portion of red smacked dabbed in the middle along with a pair of bright brown eyes. When he was finally awoke, Yuuri slowly rose himself out of bed while rubbing his eyes. 

“Oh, good morning, Kenjirou,” He greeted with a yawn. “I’m sorry, I must have overslept…”

The smaller boy shook his head as he gave him a smile that would pretty much rival the sun. Yuuri couldn’t help but picture him as an eager rooster. Or a chicken…huh, Yurio’s way of speaking is getting to him lately.

“No worries!” Kenjirou reassured him. “There’s plenty of time for you to prep up before breakfast! I just wanna be the first one to greet you good morning!” 

In other words, watch him sleep. As usual. Which is not creepy at all…

It was at first actually, but after a while he had grown used to it and was able to sleep through it without thinking too much about it. Yuuri stretched out his limbs, relishing the sensation of his joints popping back into place. He didn’t have to know that Kenjirou was watching his every move, though it was still baffling how he would fascinate on someone like him. 

“So, what would you like for breakfast today?” he asked.

Hearing such a question being directed at the youth, Kenjirou immediately gave Yuuri his undivided attention. He almost imagined puppy ears and wagging tail on him as he looked up to him with already wide brown eyes. 

“Anything you would make is delicious, Yuuri.” The way Kenjirou spoke was akin to a pilgrim praising God. To which, Yuuri admittedly felt rather uncomfortable about it. Honestly, he’s just a normal person, a dime in a dozen. But nevertheless, he had a task to uphold first. 

Yuuri simply gave the other man a smile as he lightly patted his fluffy hair. 

“Well then, how does omelet rice sound?” He suggested. “I think we still have that left over chicken from last night that would go well with the vegetables from the garden.”

The smaller boy let out a rather exaggerated gasp as he leaned up close to Yuuri’s face. 

“REALLY!?” He exclaimed, well more like crowed would be an appropriate term. Yuuri could practically hear his ears ringing as a result but he managed to squash down the urge to cringe for Kenjirou’s sake. “I can’t wait! I would like to have mine drawn with an umbrella…and-and…” 

Yuuri let out a laugh as he placed a hand onto of Kenjirou’s fluffy blond hair and gave it a pat. 

“Alright, alright, calm down. Just give me time to prepare myself before setting up breakfast, ok?” 

All the boy could manage to do was to nod, too focused on the fact that Yuuri had his hand upon his head as his brown eyes sparkled at their situation. 

“I would never wash my hair again…” he stage-whispered in awe.

“Please don’t.” 

-

After taking a quick bath and dressed up in his usual attire of a blue shirt and dark slacks, Yuuri readjusted his glasses a bit before heading downstairs. He made a beeline to the kitchen as he walked pass the dining room, where it consists of a table with eight chairs and some interesting knickknacks upon the walls and drawers, such as different forms of glasses, even some tankards for ale. Along with some pictures that more or less peppered around the walls and some tables, each depicting different moments and faces. 

With well practiced ease and memorization of the layout, the first thing that he would do was to check the rice cooker from last night’s dinner. As soon as Yuuri had taken a look at the amount within the contents. He then nodded to himself with satisfaction before taking a look at the pantry for the ingredients that were needed for the omelet rice dishes. Since he was cooking for seven, himself included, he would at least needed somewhere between 6-8 eggs to beat. But first he needed to chop up some vegetables and prepare the chicken while he was at it. 

While he was thinking over on what to do, Yuuri failed to notice a presence in the kitchen with him…until he felt something groping upon his rear end and caused him to let out an almost high pitched squeak. 

“GAH! CHRIS!?” he exclaimed looking over his shoulder to see the perpetrator. 

Behind Yuuri was a tall young man with the most longest eyelashes that was rather fitting for him. His hair was two-toned of dark blond and brown and styled as an undercut. His outfit was rather unique, a skin tight uniform of dark blue and black with violet accents that somehow gave off a shimmer as well as showcase his rather…impressive physique. 

“Bonjour~” The taller man practically purred into his hear, stroking Yuuri’s butt cheek for emphasis and gave an occasional slight squeeze. “Mmmm~, it would seem that your ass is still fine as always.”

Yuuri stiffened as he felt his entire face heating up to the very tips of his ears, his mind was practically running a mile per minute at the very fact that Chris was groping him in the kitchen. 

“Ch-Chris…please, I need to cook breakfast…” He stammered out, hoping it would get the point across. 

“Ooh, what do you have on the agenda? Cereal…toast…or maybe…” Then Chris leaned in closer so that he could rest his chin upon Yuuri’s shoulder, he could feel the stubble of his goatee. “…Me~.”

“…!!!!!”

“HEY! No sexing up the Pig so early in the goddamn morning!” 

That outburst made Yuuri to literally jump out of Chris’ grasp and looked over to see a rather small youth with a lighter shade of blond hair and a look of rage within his cyan eyes. He was dressed a bit more casual than his other companion though his taste was left to be desired since his shirt was consisting the image of a tiger with a red bowtie. His posture was slouched and hands shoved into his pockets, giving off a rather menacing air as he glared up at Chris, who was undeterred by this. 

“Oh, come on, Yuri,” the latter pouted, giving Yuuri’s rear one last squeeze. “It’s only a usual morning greeting.”

“Yeah, like sexual harassment is considered normal…” Yuri snarked. “Now get your damn hand off of him so he can cook us some food!”

Chris gave off a pout before giving Yuuri’s rear end one last squeeze and finally releasing it. 

“You’re no fun, Yurio…” he complained. 

“That’s NOT my fucking name!”

“What’s this?” Came a new voice, sounding rather loud and boisterous. “Did the little kitty princess woke up on the wrong side of the bed?” 

Yuri growled as he slowly turned his head, making Yuuri almost imagine the bones in his neck creaking.

“Grr…you son of a…” 

Before them was a young tan skinned man that seemed to be a few years younger than Chris but still had enough height to overgrow Yuri, smirking rather confidently. Yuuri to this day still cannot understand Yuri’s irrational hatred of him, he’s just a little cocky.

Who was he kidding? His confidence level was practically over 9000. 

With dark hair that was stylized the same way as Chris’, dark blue eyes, not to mention an impressive physique and tall stature, he’s practically a peacock in some way. Both in his fashion sense and in his mannerisms. 

“If you get up on a better well rested mood like me, you could have done it…” Then he strike a pose with his fingers set up in the familiar initials to his own name as well as a wink. “IN JJ STYLE!”

Yuuri sighed as he proceeded to make the breakfast while Yuri was yelling obscenities at the taller man while Chris made himself busy by setting up the table as others came downstairs into the kitchen as well.

“Dang, so energetic today!” A young man commented as he smiled at the scene before him. Currently, Yuri was trying to beat up JJ who just placed his hand upon his forehead and kept him at arm’s length while laughing at his attempt. Chris looked up from placing down the silverware since Yuuri might needed the plates to set up their upcoming breakfast. 

“Oh, bonjour, Phichit,” he greeted. “I hope that the commotion didn’t wake you guys up.”

“Nope!” Kenjirou chirped as he bounced over to Yuuri’s side instantly. Looking eager as always in any case that Yuuri would ask for his assistance. Or had to ask, since either way, he seemed more content to be by his side 24/7. “It’s days like this that we get to look forward for another day!”

A young brunet man let out a yawn before rubbing his eyes, still looked like he just got out of bed and the said action made him younger than he looked. He would have tripped over his own feet if it weren’t for the fact that he was guided by an older youth that is close to his age. 

“Still, mornings aren’t this loud before…” he grumbled, thankfully found himself a chair and still looked like he would nod off. “God, this is too early…even for me.” 

“Well, maybe, Guang Hong,” his friend smiled as he took a seat next to him. “But then again, we wouldn’t have Yuuri’s cooking to look forward to.” Then he looked up to Yuri who was currently chopping up some carrots and onions while Kenjirou was beating some eggs in a large bowl. “Speaking of which, what are we having for this morning?”

Yuri paused in his chopping so that he could look over to the younger man. 

“We’re going to have omelet rice!” He announced, smiling brightly. “It would take a while so make sure that the table was set and everyone is washed up.” Then he finally thought of something else. “Oh that reminds me…Leo, would you mind to get the ketchup? I’m sorry but my hands are full at the moment.”

Leo smiled as he nodded. 

“Will do,” Then he looked over to Guang Hong. “You want some tea to wake you up?” 

“…yes please…” came a meek response as he looked over to his best friend. 

“Oh how about some coffee? Coffee is always great in mornings like this.”

“And don’t forget the milk! We all know that there are THOSE who needed that for growing.”

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU REFERRING TO, YOU ASSHOLE!? I DON’T NEED MILK! JUST MY RAGE AND IRON WILL!”

“Checking in, another day, and another eventful breakfast at the 7 Plus 1 household.” Then Phichit hummed as he looked up from his iPhone. “Hey, Yuuri, I’ve been meaning to ask about the tags! Should I make it #7+1 or #8inDaHole?”

“The second one sounded too vaguely like Chris would say or think of…” Yuuri commented as he get the stove ready to fry the rice. 

“What did I say!? No perverted stuff so early in the morning!” Yuri let out a huff as he placed himself at the head of the table before propping his feet up. “Honestly, this just another song and dance in this place!”

 _You had no idea…_ Yuuri thought as he prepped up the fried rice.

—

“Alright, everyone all set?” Yuri announced as soon as he fixed up his pack. 

Everyone gave off their own grunt of response while making a triple check on their supplies before placing on their sturdy boots. 

Yuuri came out of the kitchen, placing one last handkerchief wrapped box on top of the other boxed lunches. 

“There, I finally finished Yurio’s lunch. Looks like that was all of it,” then he looked over to his seven roommates with a smile. “I hope you guys have a good day at the mines as always, and please be careful. They tend to get dangerous.” 

Yuri let out a scoff as he walked over to the table where their lunches were stacked up. 

“That’s not my name, Pig.” He spoke gruffly but took his lunch nonetheless. “And don’t you dare patronize us. Just because mining for precious stones are dangerous, DOESN’T mean that the dwarves shouldn’t be the only race to do it!” Then a dark look looked over his eyes as he gripped his lunchbox. “I swear…one more comment on how faeries are too fragile, I’m gonna…”

“Yuri, chillax!” Phichit piped up with his usual chipper tone as he walked over to get his own lunch. “You know us fair folk! We can kick ass just as much as they do! Along with the elves. I mean look at Guang Hong, he can cut a bitch if he wanted to.”

Yuri let out a huff before turning to the dark-haired man with a serious expression. 

“Listen up, Yuuri,” he spoke in a stern tone, it would have been hilarious due to his appearance but Yuuri knew better. “I know you probably grew sick of me saying this over and over again. But I’m going to say it anyway. No matter what, don’t you even dare open that door for anyone while we are gone. You got that?”

Yuuri stared back at the shorter man before nodding in understanding. 

“Got it.” That was all he could say for confirmation. Then he gave them all a bright smile. “I hope you all have a good day!”

—

It had been a few hours since his seven companions have left to their job, so Yuuri occupied himself by cleaning up the house for a bit. It was one of the skills that he developed over time back when he was still living with his family, cooking being one of them. It was simple work but it killed time as he done so. There was also tending to the garden, which he really enjoyed. He get to enjoy the company of animals that lived in the woods nearby. He hummed a small tune to himself as he dusted one last piece of furniture before wiping off some sweat that he was feeling off of his brow. 

“That was the last of it…” he said to himself, looking at the result of his hard work with pride. “I have made sure that the bathroom upstairs were cleaned up, and I’m pretty sure that they kept their rooms in a neat order. And now the downstairs is finished.”

Then he thought what else to do now that he had taken care of everything until one thing that had come to mind. 

“I guess I can try to make some dessert piroshki,” then he smiled to himself. “I think I have gotten the hang of the recipe.” 

—  
After giving himself some time to rest, Yuuri got to work on making the dough. He hummed to himself as he knead the dough as it rises upon the floured counter, thinking that it was a nice enough day to open a window of the kitchen to hear the sounds of birds singing. He was even got the chance to see some deer passing by.

He let out a sigh of content before deciding that he had kneaded the dough enough before setting it into the bowl in order to rise again. Yuuri then turned his attention to pick out on which kind of fruit that would serve as the filling throughout the pantry. 

“Hmm…” he let out a thoughtful hum as Yuuri looked at the available fruit that they currently have. “I wonder what kind of fruit should I use for the piroshki?” 

“How about apples?” 

Yuuri immediately froze at the familiar voice. 

That voice…

That tenor voice that could send pleasurable shivers down your spine, or in Yuuri’s case, feeling some goosebumps pop out of your skin as your hair turns up to 180 degrees for a moment.

He let out a sigh as he turned around, not at all surprised to see a young man leaning by the kitchen window with a playful smirk upon his lips. There was something otherworldly about him, judging by his unique platinum colored hair and eyes that is piercing blue like ice upon a crisp winter day. His skin seemed to be fair, though not as fair as Yuuri’s. His manner of dress was unusual, wearing dark tunic and slacks and ruby crystal dangling earrings complete with a black cloak that seemed to be made of the finest silk. 

Yuuri just stared at him as the latter stared back at him, not at all discreetly looking up and down at him. 

“Hello, Victor…Witch of the Dark Forest.”

—

 _I’m sure you all have questions…like how did Yuri ended up with seven faeries for roommates? And what is his history with the witch?_

_All that…will be revealed in the next chapter…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour - French for Good Morning


	2. How It All Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all began, by Yuuri Katsuki!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternating POVs, just a heads up!

“Hmm…” he let out a thoughtful hum as Yuuri looked at the available fruit that they currently have. “I wonder what kind of fruit should I use for the piroshki?”

“How about apples?”

Yuuri immediately froze at the familiar voice.

That voice…

That tenor voice that could send pleasurable shivers down your spine, or in Yuuri’s case, feeling some goosebumps pop out of your skin as your hair turns up to 180 degrees for a moment.

He let out a sigh as he turned around, not at all surprised to see a young man leaning by the kitchen window with a playful smirk upon his lips. There was something otherworldly about him, judging by his unique platinum colored hair and eyes that is piercing blue like ice upon a crisp winter day. His skin seemed to be fair, though not as fair as Yuuri’s. His manner of dress was unusual, wearing dark tunic and slacks and ruby crystal dangling earrings complete with a black cloak that seemed to be made of the finest silk.  
Yuuri just stared at him as the latter stared back at him, not at all discreetly looking up and down at him.

“Hello, Victor…Witch of the Dark Forest.”

**-PAUSE-**

Hi! I’m Yuuri Katsuki! Now I know that you all are probably confused at this point, like why am I living with faeries in a middle of the woods and why is the witch after me…well, it’s kind of a long story.

Let’s rewind a bit…

It all started with a mirror.

An enchanted mirror to be exact. 

Yes, you have heard me correctly, an enchanted mirror. 

And it was owned by the royal family that oversee the land that my family and I lived in. 

They’re known as the Crispinos. 

They’re actually quite decent people, looking after the common folk underneath their care, such set up a reasonable tax rate, listen to their problems, receive whatever critique and so on. They also have fraternal children, Michele and Sara. 

Both of them are immensely beautiful in their own way, mostly Sara, since there are poems and ballads that praised her beauty far and wide. With hair black as ebony, skin kissed by the sun itself, and eyes like lavender, she was adored by all men of many ranks.

Which was strange that she was remained unmarried despite being of age.

Perhaps it had something to do with her brother…

But nevertheless, they have an ok sibling relationship. Close to be exact, although Michele can be rather clingy. I mean, there was this one time that I tried to talk to her but he scared me off. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy! Just…scary…

Anyways, you wanted to know how the mirror and the twins are connected?

Well, I’ll tell you. 

The Mirror was actually a gift from another noble family known as the Nekola, and apparently that enchanted bathroom accessories are a trend nowadays. From what the Nekola Head told them, the Mirror could not only tell the truth and locate anyone in the world but also speak in verse for some reason.

…Weird, I know, but bear with me.

I don’t know all the details but from what I hear, they were playing around with it once they set up the Mirror somewhere, like asking basic questions like where are their parents, show them a person that they know of, things like that. 

Then Sara asked the Mirror the million gold piece question…

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall…who is the fairest of them all?”

And what did the Mirror say?

Well, I would tell you but like I said, I don’t know all the details. 

But what I can tell you is that whatever the Mirror said, it was enough for the twins to send a huntsman to assassinate me! Right at my own doorstep!

It took a lot of convincing of my family to spare me on my behalf, that is until the huntsman, who revealed himself as Seung-gil, just notified that he was here for my lungs and liver on behalf of Michele Crispino as proof that he really killed me (?!) But nevertheless he was more than willing to overlook this and try to substitute my required organs with a wild boar that was conveniently nearby…

So having no other choice, I had to pack up my bags and try to lay low in the last place they would find me.

The Dark Forest.

I had to admit…it was rather…difficult navigating through the place. But it was a better option. 

Despite the fact that it was filled with dangerous animals, the fair folk, and trees having faces for some odd reason…

But after going through all that for almost the entire day, I managed to find a quaint little house sitting in the middle of the woods. Looking back, I suppose that I thought that it was some hermit that decided to live on the land but yet managed to build something as comfy and stable as a three-story house. Nevertheless, I had to see if anyone was in there. 

So imagine my surprise when I found the door unlocked…

Which is unusual, since you know, you live in the woods. 

In a middle of nowhere…where everything wants to kill you…

Well, I was kind of desperate, tired, hungry, and in need of a shower, so I let myself in. 

And what I sight that I saw.

I wanna say pigsty, but that would be an insult to the pigs’ living space. The house that I went in was a disaster zone, there were garbage littering the floor, clutters upon clutters, dusty furniture, dishes piling up in the sink, clothing scattered everywhere (I even found a pair of what seemed to be bedazzled speedos hanging somewhere)…and don’t get me started on the bathrooms. Ugh…

So, naturally I placed my required skills from helping out in the inn to good use and spruce the place up. 

It took a good while…and by the time I was done, it was almost night. But I did managed to clean most of the house. It was then that I realized that the dining table have seven chairs, indicating that whoever owns this house wasn’t living alone. Since I was kinda-sorta breaking and entering, I figured that the best thing I should do was to cook up some dinner. As a bonus for cleaning the downstairs. 

Looking back it was simple, I only cooked my favorite so far, katusdon. 

Imagine my surprise when the only things decent in this house are the food. (Not even one spoiled piece in sight). So not only the owner has more than one roommate, doesn’t keep the house tidy, yet remembers to keep the food fresh. I could have speculated more but my good nature override it. So I went on to cooking and even made myself a portion. 

I made sure to keep the ready made bowls after finishing off mine before washing up to refresh myself since fatigue is hitting me harder than a brick wall. All that running for your life just because of some mirror said that you’re prettier than a prince’s sister gets a lot of you.

When I head upstairs, I noticed that there eight rooms. Don’t get me wrong, I was raised that looking into another person’s room was rude (the only time I would enter one was for cleaning). But curiosity got the better of me and I really, really need to find a bathroom and a bed. So I only took a peek at each room. And let me tell you, whoever occupies this house, each and everyone of them has personality. 

The first one was like a tornado had hit it, there were clothing strewn everywhere and once in a while I often find something that is vaguely cat related. In fact, I even saw an actual cat resting on top of what seemed to be a sweater with a tiger image on it. 

The second one is kind of tame, though there is a cage with three hamsters in it, along with walls filled up with photos of…hamsters, even an occasional scenery photo. 

The third one was rather…interesting. It was filled with photos of the same young man, each winking and giving an odd gesture of two finger guns in forms of the letter J. Practically screams out self-confidence and ego.

The fourth, I’d rather not talk about it. Let’s just say that something about it just OOZES with sex appeal…and I really needed that shower.

The fifth was normal enough, a single bed with some knick knacks here and there. A lot of teddy bears though. 

The sixth and last one seemed like a child lived in it, at least that is what I got the impression of so far, though I did spy a rather sparkly take on a suit that would fit in a masquerade ball of some sort. 

The seventh one was thankfully empty, a bit dusty but beggars can’t be choosers. And as an added bonus, the eighth one was a bathroom. Needless to say I immediately took the chance to shower. 

The rest were on auto-pilot…I simply changed out of my clothing and into my pajamas and fell into bed. And then, everything turned black as sleep overtook me. 

What happened afterwards was something that I would never forget for the rest of my life.

I didn’t know how long I slept, but I could hear voices from a far off distance. 

“…can’t believe that you left the door opened. AGAIN.”

“How was I supposed to know that someone’s gonna walk in and eat our food!?”

“You gotta admit, I don’t remember the downstairs THAT sparkly in a long time. And the food was to die for.”

“He seems so peaceful…” Kk-chnk.

“I could stare at him all day…”

“…Please don’t, that’s fucking creepy. Even for you.”

“You gotta admit…he is kinda cute.”

“Wonder who he is though.”

Ranging volumes of whispers until I slowly woke up and found myself surrounded by the occupants! And each and everyone of them are staring at me…!!

“Oh, he woke up!” The boy with a hop of blond and red hair chirped up, gazing up at me as if I were the eighth wonder of the world. (Though that can’t be right…I’m a dime in a dozen guy!)

“I…um…” What should I say at that time? Well, the most logical thing is that to apologize and explain myself. Buuut…the boy was shoved out of the way by another, an smaller angry ball of rage who looked like he wanted to punch me. 

“MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, CHICKEN NUGGET!” he yelled before glaring up at me. “So…who are you and why the fuck are you in our house?”

That…is the day that I met the seven faeries.


	3. Meet the Faeries Or Don't Call Them Fairies. Just Don't, Ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's eyeballs weren't seared from the Eclipse a few days ago...cause it would be a shame to have this unread!

“So, let me get this straight…” The smallest youth then shoved another forkful of katsudon that Yuuri had made into his mouth, trying to look intimidating while eating with gusto. “You’re telling me that you simply broke into our house, ate our food, and made use of our baths and beds just because you’re on the run from some royal brat twins wanted you dead for some reason or another and the brother wanted your guts as proof of your death?”

Yuuri paused as he shrank down from the glare, trying to make himself smaller.

“W-well…that’s the gist of it. Yeah…” he responded.

“Ease up, Yuri,” a tanned young man spoke up before savoring another bite from the katsudon. “You can’t blame him, after all, he’s basically running for his life and this place was the closest thing to a shelter! Besides, it’s your fault for forgetting to lock the door. You’re lucky it’s just him and not some wondering housebreaker. You remember the Bears right?”

“SHUT UP, HAMSTER BOY!”

Yuuri looked at the two arguing Faeries, more like the smaller one -now named Yuri- was shouting while “Hamster Boy” (he’s going to call him that for now until he gets a proper introduction) was talking calmly yet firmly. but didn't say anything as he didn't want to get in the middle of this. Deciding to take the floor, the tall blond man strode up to Yuuri and talked to him.

"I apologize for them. They can really carry on like you wouldn't believe. Anyway, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Christophe. And as you could probably tell, I'm the cutest one here." The blonde man with the stubble mustache said, giving a wink.

"What!? Like heck you are! I'm the cute one here!" Stated another man with a buzz cut as he stood in front of Yuuri and struck a pose, forming his thumbs and index fingers into j's. "The name's JJ, and I bring in the style!”

"Boy, you guys sure know how to show off." Said another boy who had tan skin and auburn colored hair, looking bored with the whole scene.

“Come on, you two, it’s not a contest!” The smaller brunet spoke up. “After all, he just got here.”

Those two, they seemed reasonable, next to the tanned younger man, yet they seemed to stuck together to the hip since he woke up. Not once they are apart from each other. Just when he was about to say something, Yuuri was surprised to see a mop of blond and red pop up next to him.

“You’re not really around here, right?!” He asked. “Where’d ya come from? How did you get here? What’s your favorite color? Would you like to be my friend?”

Yuuri’s mind reeled from the rapid fire of questioning, before he calmed down as he tried to recall the questions so that he can answer.

“Um…not really,” he began. “From Hatsetsu…walked-well, RAN actually…blue…and…” Then he paused when he noticed that the smaller boy was staring up at him with sparkling brown eyes. He had a look of an overeager puppy. “…I guess?” That came out more than a question than an actual answer.

"Yay! I got a new friend!" The young boy exclaimed as he hugged Yuuri tightly. 

"Tch. Like you need another friend. You're already buddy-buddy with practically everything in this damn forest." Yuri stated.

"Sounds like you're just pissy because you can't make any friends, kitten." JJ stated.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME THAT DUMB NICKNAME!?!" Yuri shouted angrily which made Yuuri leap back in shock. How could something so small have such a big voice.

"Ah! I wish you wouldn't shout like that. You'll scare my poor hamsters to death." Hamster Boy (he's calling him that for now) said in distress and hurried over to check on his fluffy pets.

“This is…overwhelming…” Yuuri spoke out loud, feeling his mind reeling as soon as Hamster Boy came back, with the said hamsters crawling over him. He gently cradled a black and white one as the tanned and ginger ones were respectively on his shoulder and on top of his head. “There, there, babies,” he cooed like a mother would to her brood. “It’s alright, Uncle Kitty is just being cranky-wanky.”

“Ooh, dirty~” Christophe then smirked lewdly. “I like that.”

Yuri let out a groan as he planted his face onto the table loudly.

“How did I get stuck with these IDIOTS?!” came a muffled groan from the table.

“Don’t drool, it’s mahogany.” Hamster Boy scolded before taking note of Yuuri’s distress. “Hey, hey, don’t be scared now. You’re safe with us.” He then placed his small hamster into one hand and extended his now free right one to him. “I’m Phichit, I’m sane one of the bunch!”

Yuuri blinked as he stared at the hand for a moment before gingerly taken it into his own.

“Yu-Yuuri Katsuki…” He introduced himself.

That seemed to get everyone’s attention immediately.

“Oh-ho~ Another Yuri?”

“Well, this is going to be complicated.”

"I say we hold a contest to see who's the best Yuuri!" The red and blond boy suggested with a perky tone.

However, the Faerie male who shared the same name wasn't feeling so perky. 

"There can be only _**one**_..." The blonde Yuri stated in a low voice and brandished a knife, immediately making the brunette Yuuri squeak in horror.

"W-Wait, hold it! There are other folks in the world who share the same name. It's not a big deal. You can just call me a by a nickname, to avoid confusion.” He suggested.

"Hm...That could work." Christophe spoke as he stroked his stubble in thought.

“But what though?” JJ asked, sounding curious.

Just when everyone was about to make a suggestion, one of them finally came up a solution.

“How about we just call OUR Yuri, Yurio? We just add in an “o” at the end!” Phichit suggested.

Yuri- or Yurio- slammed his hands upon the table and stood up loudly. “I OBJECT!”

“OVERRULED!” Phichit declared in a rather overdramatic manner with a wide smirk. “I may be number two, but I’m taller! Therefore, I OUTRANK you!”

“That doesn’t make any sense, you camera obsessed piece of shit!”

“I reject this reality AND SUBSTITUTE WITH MY OWN!”

All Yuuri could do was to watch the exchange between the two youths back and forth before Yurio lunged forward to tackle Phichit if it not for the last minute grab from the two young boys that quickly ran over there to grab his arms respectively. He barely registered the fact that he was being nuzzled by the seemingly second youngest boy, though he absentmindedly- and awkwardly- patted him on the head. 

“Is this…always like this every dinner time?” Yuuri finally spoke up, almost to no one in particular. 

Christophe just waved it off as he watched with disinterest. 

“Only on special occasions, Mondays in particular.” He commented. “But this is a normal occurrence, so don’t worry about it.”

Somehow it didn’t reassured him. But it does seem vaguely entertaining now that he could see it clearly. Phichit seemed to be having fun despite the younger’s temper who seemed to be foaming at the mouth while the other two are begging for him to stop as he shouted obscenities to the point that it seemed to be gibberish. 

“Leo and Guang Hong are the ones that try to keep Yurio from committing murder, though Phichit kept on making things worse.” Then Christophe sighed dramatically. “Though I have to admit, it is quite enjoyable.”

“But we have to deal with the mess 24/7 though…” JJ spoke up, suddenly sounding rather mature despite his first introduction. “It’s kinda hard to keep this place organized, no thanks to him. Not to mention that we tend to forget to lock up whenever we leave.”

“That does sound like a problem…” Yuuri couldn’t believe it. Just how long had this been going on before he literally ran into this place? And how was it that they’re not robbed at this point?! “So, are you all like hermits or something?” That alone was somehow enough to stop the one-sided fight as Yurio slowly turned his attention to him, making him flinch visibly. 

“Hermits…?” He spoke slowly. “You _THINK_ we’re HERMITS?!”

It would seem that he somehow struck a nerve there. Yuri could feel cold sweat running down the back of his nape as he shook like a leaf on its last moments upon a branch. Thankfully for him, someone came to his rescue. 

“Calm down, Yurio, he didn’t mean ANYTHING like that,” Phichit spoke up. “Hell, if you look back, we’re LIKE hermits since we can’t keep the downstairs clean for at least fifteen minutes.” 

“Yeah! Leave him alone, Yurio!” The smallest boy piped up as he cling tighter to Yuuri. Come to think of it, he had yet to get his name. 

“I-I’m sorry but your name is?” He began to ask. 

The small blond boy perked up as he smiled, exposing a small fang-like canine among his teeth. Quite unusual on a youth like him. 

“My name is Kenjirou Minami! It’s so nice to meet you, Yuuri-senpai!”

Yuuri blinked at this. “Wait, senpai?” 

Then there was a bark of a laugh as Phichit came over and casually threw an arm around Yuri’s shoulders as if they had known each other for a long time instead of only just met after finding him in the guest room. 

“Awww, that is so cute!” He laughed. “You got yourself an admirer!”

Yuuri blushed at the indication as he gently (the best he could) both Phichit and Kenjirou away, much to the younger’s obvious displeasure. 

“I’m not that admirable!” He protested getting up from his seat, once again feeling all eyes on him. “Look, I’m really sorry that I broke into your house, and cleaned up, and ate your food and sleep…”

“Blame Yurio, it’s because of him that the door’s unlocked.” Guang Hong muttered. 

To this, the blond boy whipped his head towards him. “Say that again, bitch.” He growled. “SAY. THAT. AGAIN.”

Guang Hong glared at him, looking rather different from his seemingly meek persona. “Why? Are you hard of hearing?” 

Yuuri winced as he felt that there was another fight brewing, if it weren’t for the immediate intervention of Leo who literally went between them, placing hands before their chests. Although if Yuri could see very carefully, Leo’s hand was a bit closer to Guang Hong’s than Yurio’s. 

“Whoa, whoa, easy there, let bygones be bygones alright?” There was a soothing tone in his voice, mostly directed at the second smallest of the group. The fight seemed to have ended as soon as it started. Yurio sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to their current guest/intruder of their home. 

“Alright, enough with dicking around. Listen here, pig!” 

Yuuri furrowed his brow in confusion. “Wait, pig?” he questioned. 

“We’ll let you crash here,” Yurio went on, pretending that he didn’t heard the question. “But in return, you make sure that this place cleaned up, make sure that the door was locked, and most important thing…” 

Then he paused for a dramatic moment as the small youth held up the perfectly cleaned bowl where the katsudon used to be. 

“Keep the good food coming.”  
Yuuri blinked and stared at the bowl before at the blond boy, then back at the bowl and finally back at Yurio.

“…You’re…you’re asking me to be your live-in maid?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Phichit piped up.

“…Well, it was better than living in a cave…” then Yuuri looked at each one of his new host. “So, what are you guys exactly?”

Yurio let out a huff as he crossed his arms over his chest, giving an indifferent aura as if it would give him a tough look (if it weren’t for the pieces of rice stuck to his face, now that Yuuri had noticed). 

“What are we?” 

Then as if on cue, everyone else gather on either side of him to give off an appearance of a line-up of some sort. 

“We…are Faeries.”

And then there was the right angle of the setting sun and the light shone through the window behind them, creating a glow around the group. All Yuuri could do was blink as he stared at them for a good long moment. 

“…Fa-Fairies?”

“ _Faeries_. We’re NOT savages.” 

-

So that was how not only Yuuri met the faeries (not FAIRIES) and became their live-in maid of some sorts.

It took him a good while to get the hang of things but over time he was fully adjusted to the place. The only thing that was well-maintained compared to the house was the vegetable garden that he discovered while familiarizing himself with the place. Which explain some of the vegetables are still fresh despite the condition that the house was once in. 

But nevertheless, it gave him something to do day by day whenever his new landlords (or is it roommates since they’re more familiar with each other?) leave for their work, which is mainly mining for precious jewels. A rather grueling and dangerous job for someone of faerie status but Yuri insisted that they’re trying to prove that they’re just as good as the dwarfs and elves. 

“They say that we’re ‘too delicate’ for that type of work,” Yurio growled at a certain memory. “Well, we’ve been at this for centuries, and we’re still at it!” 

That explained why they look rather youthful in the photos that Phichit had taken…

Still, it became a routine to him overtime. It was a simple series of tasks. Wake up, make breakfast, dealing with Chris' fondling (mostly on his behind for some reason), listen to Yuri's and JJ's bickering, prepare lunch for their work, clean up the house, do laundry, work in the garden when needed, and make dinner as they have come home on time. On certain occasions, either one or two of them would come back with some groceries from some village market since he can’t make a step back into civilization in any case that the twins have hired some assassins to finish what Seung-Gil have left off. 

Best to be safe than sorry. 

He still wrote to his family though, making sure that he was still alive. Even if they still communicate through letters, Yuuri still missed them. 

Well, hopefully when things calm down, he might be able to see them again. 

But for now, some weeding in the garden. 

It was a sunny day today, so he took a tasteful sun hat along with some gloves when he went outside. Yuuri let out a sigh of content as he took in the sight. It was a rather beautiful sight, despite the location that he was in. There were some good amount of weeds in the vegetable garden and some fruits were ripening for the picking. As always, Yuuri set himself to work like aways, picking out the weeds, watering the vegetables and the fruit trees, and picked out the ripe products into the basket. 

He then spots a patch of flowers nearby, even though they’re a good distance away from the garden and practically close to the edge of the woods. It is dangerous to set foot no further than the garden, but then again he hadn’t had any suspicious visitors yet. That and also they’re practically in the secluded part of the Dark Forest. 

Besides, who would find him in a place like this? 

“I don’t suppose that some flowers wouldn’t hurt to liven up the house,” he said to himself as Yuuri made his way over to the patch of flowers. It was a good thing that he brought along a basket with him, it would help to carry a good amount of flowers that would serve as a small bouquet on the table. 

“Ah, such pretty flowers,” he sighed with content, taking in the scent before starting to pick them.  
Daisies are always beautiful in many colors, but for some odd reason red and blue stuck out to him the most. It was always beautiful to see a variety of colors aside from the standard white. So it was considered lucky that he actually come across the red colored patch of daisies. These would definitely tie the dining room together, something about those colors just made it pop in a way. As he picked the blossoms, he took note that everything was suddenly growing dark around him. 

Yuuri narrowed his eyes. 

That was strange…it was too early for sunset…maybe there are clouds coming in?

But today’s weather was sunny all day. 

Then he spotted a pair of black shoes before him. And a cloak that is dark as the blackest night. 

His blood chilled at the realization that he wasn’t alone. There was a lump forming uncomfortably in his throat, making him swallow audibly as he felt cold sweat forming at the nape of his neck. Yuuri knew that it was a bad idea to look up, he had heard enough horror stories on what happens if you look up to what seemed to be a most likely person or creature that could kill you without a second thought. 

But yet…he did. 

He actually looked up. 

What he saw made his heart stopped for a moment. 

Standing before him was a tall young man with a hood over his head, looking down at him with the coldest looking blue eyes that he had ever seen. Silver hair hung over his left eye, creating a mysterious air around him. There was an otherworldly aura around him, indicating that he is someone powerful…and dangerous. 

And it could only mean one thing.

This man before him was a _witch_.


	4. The Encounter with the Witch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
> 
> And a happy birthday to the most extra beautiful Russian man ever!

Yuuri had no idea what to do in this situation. 

He had heard stories about witches.

How they have the Witch’s Sabbath deep in the Dark Forest…

How they curse unfortunate travelers either on a whim or if they were insulted in someway, mostly it was the first reason…

There were horror stories of using unbaptized babies as primary ingredient for their flying ointment. 

There was a certain tale that the most powerful witch reigns as the queen of them all…the Baba Yaga. And she, by far, was the most terrifying. Few brave souls actually ventured out just to ask for her aid, most of them were never seen again. Some say that she cursed them into creatures…others say that she ate their flesh. 

Regardless, one thing is clear.

She has apprentices working underneath her, and they are just as skilled and powerful as she is.

This…must be one of them. 

He didn’t know how long that he was just kneeling there. All Yuuri could do was just to stare at him in utter shock and horror all the while sweating bullets. The Witch before him had yet to say a word, only looking down at him like he was some sort of ant or a disgusting creature. 

This wasn’t happening…

Having a bounty on his head just because he was prettier than the Prince’s sister and driven out of his home was one thing, but actually coming across a witch!? Was there something that he had done to deserve this?!? 

_Oh, God…what if I **did** something wrong?!_ Yuuri thought to himself in horror.

As he racked his brain for any possible reason on why he deserved a horrible encounter with a witch, the said Witch became the first one to break the silence. 

“You…” 

That made him freeze up even further as a lump formed in his throat. 

_Calm down, Yuuri,_ He silently commanded himself, keeping his eyes on the Witch. _Think rationally. You managed to dodge a hitman…survived your ordeal through a creepy forest and m land yourself in a house filled with faeries instead of a gang of cannibalistic murderers. If you have gone through this far, you can do this!_

With an intake of breath, Yuuri steeled himself while never taking his eyes off of the Witch as the latter made a move towards him. Then with the small countdown in his head, Yuuri spring onto his feet and spun his heel to sprint back to the house. He didn’t even stop when the Witch shouted after him, on the contrary it would only made him press on without a moment to breath as he willed himself to run faster while keeping his eyes on the backdoor. 

He managed to brace himself against the wooden surface-and with some a bit of fumbling- managed to opened the door before slamming it shut behind him. He clumsily locked it before sliding down, feeling the blood pulsing through him as his heart beaten rapidly against his chest. It felt like he had ran a marathon - well, if he could think back clearly, he wasn’t THAT far from the house but still, it was a terrifying experience. 

Then he remembered about the windows and hastily got up to shut the curtains, making sure that the Witch wouldn’t peek in. 

Or magically undo the latches and invite himself in…NO! Focus, Yuuri! Don’t think of worst case scenarios! He have gotten himself out once, he can do this again! With that thought in mind, Yuuri headed over to the front door in order to double check to see if it was locked. He knew that he did as soon as his landlords left for today’s work but it doesn’t hurt to see. As soon as it confirmed that the front door was locked, Yuuri felt at the moment that it was the right time to breathe and calm down. 

“Thank goodness…” He spoke out with relief.

Yuuri shook his head a bit before slapping his head a bit. 

“I need to cook something…” 

Anything to keep his mind off of what happened today. Besides, dinner needed to be prepared. tonight. Perhaps when his tenants come home, they would know how anything about witches that lived around these parts. 

Surely they would, right?

Right?

—

“You fucking WHAT?!”

Yuuri winced at the high frequency of Yurio’s screeching yell, sounding similar to a yowling cat. (Doesn’t really help with the fact that he imagined him as one at the moment…raised hair and everything).

“I…I ran into a witch in the backyard today.” He repeated himself. 

Yuuri then flinched at the sound of Yurio banging the table with a fork harshly. 

“AND YOU MANAGED TO LIVE AND TELL US ABOUT IT!? RIGHT AFTER YOU SERVE DINNER?!” It would have been an intimidating sight of the smallest faerie glaring at him, if it weren’t for the small dab of steak sauce near the corner of his mouth.

Tonight’s dinner is hamburger steak with roasted vegetables of carrots, broccoli, and potatoes. Everyone was listening in while at the same time enjoying the meal. Kenjirou seemed to be savoring each bite whilst Phichit made sure to get the best angle to snap for his instagram. Yuuri just sighed as he stared mournfully at his own portion of tonight’s meal. 

“Well, I panicked…” He admitted. “I didn’t know what else to do but just run back to the house.”

Christophe looked up from his meal with a raised eyebrow in mid-cutting of his steak. “So did you at least get a good description of this witch?” He asked. “That way we would know if we ever come across him ourselves.”

Yuuri let out a hum as he tried to recall that afternoon, most of it was a complete blur but the features of the man that he would never forget. After all, he was in a “caught deer” moment while staring up at him for what seemed like an eternity. 

“Well, he wore a dark cloak…”

“Oh, that’s really specific.” Yurio muttered sarcastically, while munching on his steak piece. Phichit sent him a scolding glare but Yuuri didn’t paid any mind as he tried to recall the man’s features.

“He also had silver hair and blue eyes…”

As soon as those words left his mouth, everything went silent in the dining room. 

Confused, Yuuri looked up to see everyone staring at him with all different kinds of emotions. A certain few stood out. Yurio was pissed beyond belief, Christophe looked rather oddly mischievous, and Phichit was really interested before ducking his attention back to his phone and typed furiously upon it. Guang Hong seemed to be bashful while Leo smiled as he patted his shoulder reassuringly. JJ simply smirked while Kenjirou seemed ecstatic. Very interesting yarying reactions indeed. But the one thing was prominent in all of them.

Recognition.

Yuuri blinked as he looked around the room. 

“You…you guys know him?” He asked hesitantly. 

That innocent question sparked off an interesting reaction. 

“Know him!?” Yurio exasperated, gripping his fork tightly. “THAT OLD GEEZER HAS BEEN A THORN IN MY ASS!”

“Well, you can say that~” Christophe added, even thrown in a saucy wink. It caused Yuuri to be flustered a bit. 

“Update…Roomie Yuuri just ran into the Dark Witch of the Forest!” Phichit spoke out loud as he typed his status. “Hashtag Spellbound!”

“So lucky…” Guang-Hong muttered. “I wish I could have been there to meet him.”

“Uh…” Yuuri spoke before Leo cuts him off. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance someday!”

JJ let out a laugh as he stood up much to Yuuri’s surprise. “Well, that is a nice turn of events,” He spoke with his usual confidence. Then he struck a pose with a bright smile and his usual double J symbol. “Cause he would have to face the might of the JJ Style!”

Yuuri could only blink once than twice, and next thing he knew that Yurio threw his fork at him. 

“Ah…! YURIO! DON’T THROW YOUR EATING UTENSILS!” Yuuri exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. 

“That asshole deserves it!”

“Still you can’t throw it at people! What if you actually hurt JJ!?”

“Then that would be the happiest day of my life!”

“But that would be wrong!” Kenjirou was now speaking, pausing in his eating

That is when Yurio turned his attention to the second youngest faerie and shot a very sharp glare at him. That type of glare that would do something nasty to the closest thing he loved compared to the other type that wanted to do harm to JJ as much as possible. 

“You quit your brown nosing, Chicken Nugget!” He growled lowly, like a tiger cornering its intended prey. “Otherwise, I would burn all of the pictures that Hamster Boy took for you!”

Yuuri then turned to the blond faerie with a questioning look. “What pictures?”

“PLEASE DON’T!” Kenjirou cried out, standing up abruptly as the silverware clattered upon the table. “I’ve been begging Phichit for giving me copies!”

“THEN STOP BEING A SUCK UP!”

“I’m ok!”

Soon, entire table was clamoring as their voices filled the dining room. Phichit and Leo, as always, tried to calm everyone down when shots were fired to the point that Yurio had to be restrained in order not to attempt murder on JJ with a spoon. All the while Yuuri was calmly eating his meal at ease. 

That is until Yuri finally calmed down for a moment while finally got hold of JJ’s collar and brandishing the spoon. 

“By the way, Piggy,” He spoke. “Just remember not to run into that witch again, alright.” 

Then he resumed on trying to kill his fellow faerie while Phichit was recording the entire thing. 

It was such a peaceful dinner. And his makeshift landlord gave the most sincere warning and advice ever. 

And at that point, he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t see that witch again. 

—

“Hello!”

Yuuri was at a complete and total loss at this while standing by the door. 

Before him was that Witch from yesterday…holding up what looked like a scandalous lacy maid outfit.

“May I interest you in some laces?”

So much for that warning…


	5. The First Two Attempts from the Witch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time, on Snow White Pig!
> 
> “Hello! May I interest you in some laces?”
> 
> Now on to the new chapter!

Yuuri stared at the Witch in disbelief before turning his attention to the outfit in his hand. 

It was definitely a very lacy version of a maid’s outfit. And it seemed to be made of the most extravagant silk that he could only see in high class shops that only Princess Sara can afford. The skirt seemed shorter than it looked, and he highly doubt that it would be functional while cleaning. That and he doesn’t even know it could fit him. 

“And don’t worry, I’m sure it would fit your measurements~” The Witch answered, almost as if reading his mind. 

Wait, how did he…?

…Whom he was kidding? He’s a WITCH. They have unlimited power! Maybe, he doesn’t know! This was his first time running into a witch! Again! Wait, does it count for him to actually run into the witch a second time if it was the Witch himself was at the front door…?

F-Forget it! 

Forget all of this!

That was his final thought as soon as Yuuri firmly slammed the door shut. 

Right in the Witch’s face. 

It might turn him into a toad or something worse (he highly doubt he would turn hideous, he’s too plain for that) but it was worth it. If anything, it made him feel a bit better. Just as he was about to turn around to take care of the laundry, there was a rapid knocking upon the door. 

“Wait!” came the Witch’s voice. “Please! Give this one a chance! I promise it’s not anything suspicious!”

Yuuri had to remove his glasses in order to pinch the bridge of his nose. This ENTIRE thing was suspicious in of itself! Honestly, for all he knows that he might have enchanted that outfit in order to suffocate him via lacy corset!

“I promise you that it won’t choke you!” The Witch reassured him. “Please at least consider it! It’s just a regular dress!”

He narrowed his eyes as he let the Witch’s words sink in. There was a possibility that he might be lying, but then again he was rather honest. Too honest, if he thought about it. There was no blood, or random Latin that would indicate a curse. Or a very clever rhyme scheming as a spell casting…

Then his thoughts were interrupted by another set of knocking. 

Yuuri didn’t even need to contain his groan. At this point, he would might as well spend the night on the doorstep until his landlords came back. Lord knows what would happen if the Witch would have to go up against seven fair folk. He then turned around and remembering to use the chain lock before opening the door, didn’t even had time to react when he got a faceful of the dress. 

“Please try it on at least once.” The tone in the Witch’s voice sounded genuine, and goddamn Yuuri’s bleeding heart.

A sigh escaped from his lips as he defeatedly took the dress. 

“Fine…” he finally complied, feeling emotionally drained. And it was only morning too. 

Mornings are just as evil as witches.

Yuuri almost missed the bright smile beneath the hood of the Witch between the gaps before slipping his hand back through the door. 

“I hope you like it! I worked really hard on the dress! Bye~” The Witch even go as far as giving him a wink before with a dramatic wave of his hooded cloak, he vanished into thin air. Yuuri could only blink once before closing the door. He let out another sigh as he automatically unhook the chain lock. Yurio would have his head if he accidentally opened up only to have it still locked by the small chain. Then he looked down at the dress in his hand and raised it up to get a good look at it. 

He grimaced at the sheer design of it. 

It was practically backless, and the skirt portion was really short enough to expose a bit of his backside. He can’t picture himself being dressed up like this! In what way was it functional for household chores? If anything it was just a fetishized distraction for anyone. The corset portion stood out to him the most. Going along with the material theme, the laces are silk instead of the normal strings that he saw in the boutique shops in the marketplace. In a way, it does seem rather…sensual. But he had to realistic, there was no way he could pull this off. 

Not knowing what else to do with it, he just set it aside by placing it upon the couch. 

“I guess, I had to deal with it later…” he said to himself. “But right now, I had to do some chores today. Maybe I might hide it in my room later.”

~

Unfortunately, after doing all of the chores until dinner time…Yuuri forgot to hide the dress in his room. 

Which lead to a rather awkward dinner conversation topic. 

“O~ MON, Yuuri,” Chris purred as he examined the dress. “I didn’t know that you’re into that kind of thing.” Then he gave him a sultry bedroom gaze, still holding the garment. “I like that.”

Yuuri let out a squeak and hunkered down in his seat. 

“It’s…it’s not like that!” He protested. “The Witch came by and…”

“FUCKING WHAT?!” Yurio cuts in, banging on the table with the butt of his spoon with enough force to make a dent. 

“That’s mahogany!” 

The blond faerie whipped his attention to Phichit and brandished his spoon at him. 

“SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE, HAMSTER BOY! I swear, that series is just as overrated as that piece of trash with sparkles and wooden plank girls.” 

The older faerie didn’t respond, taking a picture of his meal instead before uploading it. “Checking in with tonight’s meal, the classic borsht with sour cream.” He said to himself as he typed in the words. “Hashtag Tasty~”

“I bet you would look so pretty in that, Yuuri!” Kenjirou spoke with awe, his hazel eyes sparkling at the mere thought of it. “You should wear it!” 

That made Yuuri look up from his bowl to the young faerie in shock. “Wait, WHAT?!” 

“That’s a great idea!” Phichit chirped, looking up as well. Then he looked over to Yuuri with a grin as he held up his phone. “I’m behind that 9000% all the way!” 

“Count me in~” Chris smirked sultrily. “I would like to see how you pull it off.”

“Wait, hold on, you guys,” JJ spoke up. “Don’t you all think that you’re going a bit too far? I mean, classy as the dress was, I don’t think Yuuri would like that.” 

Now that one surprised Yuri greatly. “JJ…” He spoke with awe. He never knew that JJ would be that considerate. His respect for him has improved!

“Besides, nothing can beat…JJ STYLE!”

…Well, it’s still considered a new development. 

“I’ll let you live this time around since you agree with me.” Yurio spoke up. Then he stood up from his seat, resolve burning within his aquamarine eyes like green fire. “Alright, I know what to do!”

Then without another word, he headed off to upstairs. 

Everyone stared after him in silence before at each other in confusion. 

“What is he…” Guang-Hong was the first to speak up before was interrupted by the sound of what seemed to be a crash and some colorful swearing afterwards and what sounded like a cat which quickly followed by a quick apology. 

Leo winced at the sheer sound of it. “That doesn’t sound good…”

Yuuri simply sighed as he took a spoonful of his borscht. He just organized Yurio’s room, but every time he does that, it was even messier than before. “Makes it easier to find my shit” the blond faerie said with a huff. Even the cat, Potya from what he recalled on his first night here, seemed to be content. Apparently Yurio had enough sense to keep the chaos away from his territory. Although, Potya seemed to be content with the status of the room…there was more than once whenever he finished cleaning Yurio’s room, Potya made sure to knock them back. He then learned not to set foot into his room and simply trusts Yurio to at least keep the floor tidy.

After a while, Yurio finally came back downstairs…brandishing a pair of sharp looking scissors. 

“Hand over the dress.”

…

…

“GET HIM!”

“DON’T LET HIM NEAR THE DRESS!”

“GET OFF OF ME, YOU BASTARDS!”

“NO RUNNING WITH SCISSORS!”

Yuuri watched as both Guang Hong and Leo restrained Yurio all their might while Kenjirou tried to grab the scissors away from him as Chris used JJ as a meat shield in order to protect the dress. Phichit got his phone out to record the entire thing. Another sigh escaped from his lips as he returned to his meal and savored the beet soup. 

Ah~, another peaceful night. 

—

Next day…

“Yurio, stabbing the dress to shreds last night was one thing…” Then Yuuri turned to look at the display upon the door. “But was it necessary to actually use the scissors to pin what remains of the said dress upon the front door? It’s going to damage both the wood and the scissors.”

Yurio just scoffed and looked away. 

“Whatever, just think of it as a warning to that witch Victor!” 

That caught on Yuuri’s attention as he cocked his head to the side. “Victor…?” he asked. 

“That’s the witch’s name.” Yuuri simply answered. “Victor, Witch of the Dark Forest to be precise.”

Oh…come to think of it, he didn’t ask the Witch’s name. But then again, one can be focused on self-preservation takes priority above anything else. Although, now that he had mentioned it…

“Why does he even have a title?”

“Cause he’s a pretentious little bitch! That’s why!” Yuri responded rather roughly before pointing a thumb at JJ. “At least HE is a smidge less overbearing!”

“Aw~ Little kitty actually cares!” The older faerie teased him. 

“I CAN BUY AND SELL YOU, ASSHOLE!!”

“Guys!” Guang Hong spoke up. “We need to get going! The good parts will be taken over soon and I don’t want to have another fight with the dwarves again!”

Leo looked over to him with a raised eyebrow. “But weren’t you the one that insulted one of the dwarves’ wife?”

“How should I know that their women also had beards?!”

“Come on, you guys,” Phichit cuts in. “It’s like Guang Hong said, we gotta get going. I have a feeling that we might hit some diamonds!”

“Right…” Yurio agreed before turning to Yuuri, once again with that serious expression. “Ok, like I said before. Just make sure you don’t let that witch in or accept anything from him. Chances are that he might have enchanted it to kill you or some stupid complicated magical shit.”

Yuuri nodded with resolution. 

“Got it.” He said, right before brightening up with a smile. “Until then, have a good day!”

The shorter faerie simply nodded with a huff before turning to the rest of his fellow faeries. “Alright, let’s bounce.” He said. 

Everyone nodded before following him to the familiar path down the woods. Meanwhile Kenjirou lags behind which Phichit slowed down his pace in concern. As soon that they were out of earshot -including Yuuri heading back inside- Phichit took it as the best time to maybe cheer up one of his younger friends a bit. 

“Hey, you alright?” He asked. 

Kenjirou could only sigh as his shoulders hung heavily. “I wanna see Yuuri-senpai in that dress…” 

Phichit nodded with understanding. “Yeah…me too. Just think of all the pictures that I could take.” He then shot a dirty look at Yurio’s back. “That Yurio and his paranoia…he doesn’t even know if it was enchanted!”

“Don’t you think Yurio would have thought that tearing about the dress would be too easy if he thought it was?” Kenjirou asked. “I mean, all enchanted items shouldn’t be that easy to destroy right?”

“…You know, I’m not so sure…”

They both fell silent as they continued walked along the trail to the mines. Though one thing was for sure…

That witch, Victor, wasn’t known to give up so easily.

~

“Hello!” 

Yuuri could only stare blankly at the Witch before him. 

Or at least, he DEFINITELY thought was the Witch…if it weren’t for that ridiculously thick mustache on his face. It wasn’t even the same hair color! And he still wore the same clothes! He didn’t even made an effort to change his accent in his voice!

“I’m…” He began before Yuuri cuts him off.

“Victor, Witch of the Dark Forest, I presume?” 

There was silence from the other man as he stood there with a frozen smile on his face. Yuuri released a heavy sigh as he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. That was his only form of confirmation that he could get. 

“Look…whatever I did or said, I’m sorry but you can’t come here anymore.” He scolded him, akin of a mother to a child. “And while we’re on that note, whatever you have on your person, I won’t accept it.”

The man whom he perceived as the witch that he had seen literally yesterday stared at him for a moment before letting out a rather over-the-top laugh. Not a stereotypical evil laugh, a jolly laugh that sounded oddly fake or so real that it could be fake. 

“I’m not this Victor the Witch of the Dark Forest! No!” He reassured him. “I’m not really as strong, and skilled but more importantly the most handsome as he is. I am just a simple and humble merchant.”

“In a middle of the woods?” Yuuri snarked with a raised eyebrow. 

“…Yes~?” 

“You hesitated.” 

“No I didn’t!”

Then Yuuri made a move to close the door but was blocked by the so-called “Merchant’s” foot.”

“NO, WAIT! I AM A MERCHANT!” Then he fumbled a bit as he sorted through his robes, muttering out “where is it?” before grabbing something and held it out to Yuuri’s eyes. “Here! A lovely hair comb for a lovely young man such as yourself!”

Yuuri had to step back a bit in order to see the item before him more clearly. 

The hair comb in the Merchant (still know that he’s the witch) was indeed lovely. The material seemed to be made of pure gold and its design made him think of the kushi, a hair comb kanzashi in the hairs of the women in his hometown. Etched upon it was a curling vine-like design with flowering blossoms upon it. He would love to have it…although…

“I’m not a woman…and I highly doubt that my hair would be able to keep that on.”

Besides, for all he knew it might have been poisoned or something if the teeth poked at his head. 

The Merchant’s (Witch’s) eyes shifted a bit before saying, “give me one moment” and pulling the comb back and fiddled with it out of Yuuri’s sight. Yuuri tried to look over but remembered that he still needed to keep the door closed. Even if the foot was serving as a doorstop. 

After a moment, and watching some rather exaggerated movements, his only confirmation of the Merchant being done was a triumphant “ah-ha!”

“Did I say a hair comb?” He laughed jovially. “I meant a hairPIN.”

And sure enough, he brandished what seemed to be an ornate hair pin. This time as a golden flower of some sort. 

Yuuri stared at him blankly at this.

“…You used magic, did you?”

“No! I certainly did not!” the Merchant protested, a little too quickly he might add. “But I can assure you, this little gem pales in comparison to you. In fact, I think gold compliments you~.”

For this, Yuuri had to think for a moment. He could try to slam the door on his foot that way while he nursed it, he can finally close the door and triple locked it before double checking the backdoor and hideout in his room with some witch protection pack that Yurio somehow kept lying around. And that includes iron of all things. How they kept something as dangerous to fairies was beyond him. But then again, he might come back to try to talk him into getting the hairpin. 

Seeing no other option - he highly doubt he would be able to go dig through Yurio’s room for those ice skate that he dubbed as knife boots in a short time notice - once again he had to consider the current cards in his hand. 

“Fine…” He sighed heavily as he opened the door wide. “If I take this hairpin, can you please leave?”

He wasn’t even surprised when he saw the Merchant’s familiar heart-shaped mouth (is that even normal? But then again, there are some rumors about the warts on witch’s nose) widened as he gave off an enthusiastic cheer. 

“Yay!” Then he smiled as he held up the hairpin. “May I have the honor of placing this in your hair?”

Now that one he didn’t expect. But then again, it could be a trap. How else he would get a close enough proximity to make sure that he made his target, no matter how poorly disguised he was! Another sigh escaped from his lips. Now that he thought about it, he had been sighing a lot lately…

“Fine.” He confirmed, stepping forward a bit. 

Might as well get done with it then. Yuuri then closed his eyes, bracing himself for any possible poison that would seep into his brain and throughout his entire system. He immediately thought of his family…and his friends, both old and newfound. He wondered if he would be able to get a proper burial? 

Yuuri didn’t even need to know that the Witch was right in front of him. He still calling him that! It was so frickin’ obvious! A child could see through it! But…but…AT LEAST HE’LL FACE DEATH WITH DIGNI-

Then he felt a hand caressing his bangs and being held back with the hair pin. 

…Wait, what?

Yuuri blinked his eyes open as he looked up to see a surprisingly tender look upon the so-called Merchant’s face. It could be that he just realized it, but he couldn’t help but notice on how clear and blue his eyes were. They were so beautiful, he couldn’t help but get lost in them. His exposed skin seemed to be flawless and pale, but not enough to make it seem like he was sickly. Whatever strands that escaped from the hood of his robes shone like silver silk with the right angle of the sunlight. If it were a normal situation, Yuuri would have found this man quite handsome. 

That is if he got rid of that stupid mustache. 

And -maybe- not a witch. 

“Gold really does suit you…” he heard the other man whispered to him, almost akin to a sweet nothing from a lover. His hand was never leaving Yuuri’s face, just letting it linger there.

Yeah…definitely needed to get rid of the mustache. 

“So…how much do I owe you?” Yuuri asked, once he finally found his voice. 

The “Merchant” beams brightly as he pulls away from him. Yuuri then blinked as if out of a trance. And it was that one moment -that one single moment- that he actually felt hesitant about the latter pulling away from him. He didn’t have time to dwell upon it as the “Merchant” spoke. 

“You don’t owe me anything!” He replied. “Seeing how that hairpin looks on you is payment enough!” Then he gave him a wink and what seemed like a blow of a kiss. 

“Until next time~”

The next thing that Yuuri knew, he was staring out into the open fields and woods. 

Gingerly, he reached up and touched the pin, seeing that it was securing some of his hair away from his eyes. Yuuri went back inside (not forgetting to close and lock the door), he made a beeline to a nearby mirror to look at his reflection. And what he saw astounded him. 

Staring back at him was the image of himself, with his hair pulled back by that very same ornate hairpin. The Merchant -well, the Witch actually- was right, much to his surprise. It is a beautiful contrast against the dark shade of his hair, yet it brought out the color of his eyes. Additionally, he didn’t feel any sort of pain or have a sickly appearance. If he had any better choice of clothing and remove his glasses, he might fit that Witch’s description of him. But then again, he would never pull off any of the fancy clothing that he often sees on the upper crust. 

“Well, can’t dally here any longer.” He said to himself. “Time to see if there are some chores to do.”

Maybe this time Yurio would take it easy with this current gift he had.

~

“Give it here.”

Yuuri blinked in shock before raising up to his hairpin in sudden protectiveness. 

“Eh!? Why!?” He exclaimed.

He was sure that he wasn’t poisoned the entire day. He was still alive and kicking, even when doing the chores! So when the faeries came back from another day of work -looking more accomplished and perhaps smug (something about rap or dance battles against dwarves or something)- and one look at the new accessory upon Yuuri’s head, it made the smallest faerie to practically march up and thrust out his hand. 

“Just do it! What did I just say!?” 

“You demanded to give the hairpin to you…” Guang Hong snarked under his breath, to which Leo snickered. 

Yurio whipped his head around and glared at him. “You wanna start something?!” 

“Come try it, bitch.” Guang Hong retorted, not once flinching at Yurio’s glare. 

That earned a “oooh” from Phichit as he snapped a picture. 

Yurio could only growl out “I’ll deal with you later” and turned back to Yuuri who seemed to be backing away a bit. 

“Yuuri.” His tone was oddly calm, not like his usual brashness. For a moment, that actually scared Yuuri a bit. “Give me the pin.”

But Yuuri still didn’t move from the spot. 

“You still haven’t told me why.” He replied firmly. 

The blond faerie sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, seeing that his usual method and the polite method aren’t working. “I don’t any risk of you probably dying, all because of some generosity of that stupid old fart of a witch! There, happy!?”

Well, that is a start. 

“A bit,” Yuuri retorted, decided to give a bit of sass of his own for good measure. “And believe me, I tried to refuse! TRIED. But he’s persistent! He came in with a fake mustache! A mustache!”

“Is it a nice mustache?” Chris spoke up, sounding oddly curious.

Yuuri paused as he thought for a moment. “Well, kinda…though it’s kinda ridiculous, and rather thick…” Then he shook his head. “I’m getting off track here. While it’s obvious it was the same witch that you all described to me, I don’t think that this one is either poisoned or enchanted! I’ve been wearing this all day and I feel fine.”

“You never know for sure!” Yurio pointed out. “For all we know that it was a slow acting poison that is not only odorless but also scentless and painless! You’d be dead before you know it!”

“That didn’t make any sense!”

“Life doesn’t make any sense,” Yurio snarked before letting out a sigh. “Look…I’m doing this for your own good. Can you at least trust me?”

That made Yuuri stop and think for a moment. It was only about two weeks now that he started to live with them. While he was more or less their live-in house keeper whose payment was only asylum, he couldn’t help but to find trust in them. Over time, he learned bit by bit about them. It was a slow process but it was enough, despite the colorful personalities that they each have. And as for the Witch…well, he had only known him for at least two days compared to that. Most of the time it was forcing him to take those gifts that may or may not be enchanted to kill him. After giving some thought, he finally sighed and relented. 

“Fine…” Yuuri replied as he reached up to his hair and reluctantly removed the hairpin. 

He stared at it ruefully, taking in its beautiful design for one last time before handing it over to Yurio’s (surprisingly) patient hand. The blond faerie took his time to look at the hairpin himself before taking it in both hands and snapped it apart. 

“I’m going to find pliers later.” Yurio grumbled. “Now, what’s for dinner?”

“I’m thinking pasta tonight, how’s that sound?”

Everyone agreed in enthusiasm with the promise of food as they all set their gear down and make their way to the dining room and kitchen to prep up for dinner. Yuri was the last to follow as he placed the broken pieces of the hairpin upon the vanity drawer. Momentarily forgotten around dessert time. 

That is until it was found in the garbage the next morning. 

—

Back to Present Time…

“Hello, Victor…Witch of the Dark Forest.”

Yuuri then sighed heavily as he turned to face him with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Honestly, do you even know when to give up?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. At this point, Yuuri was getting used to the past few days of encountering this guy. There was no point of being afraid of him given to the circumstances. 

“Nope!” The silver-haired man replied cheerfully, cradling his chin with both hands. “Soooo~ since you’re making some dessert piroshki, how about some apple?”

“So, said the snake to Eve, and look how she and Adam turned out.” Yuuri replied sarcastically. Sarcasm and sass made him a bit bolder…maybe it was because the past few days, he was slowly learning on not giving a damn. 

Victor then gave an overdramatic swoon as he held out the said fruit before him. 

“Oh how tragic, lovers thrown out to the unforgiving world from paradise…” he spoke dramatically, as if he was in a play of some sort. “All because they have tasted the forbidden fruit of knowledge and pleasure!”

“I’m pretty sure it’s only knowledge.”

“But pleasure is a small part of knowledge, no?” Victor then gave him a wink. 

Yuuri felt a blush coming up but cleared his throat. No is not the time to swoon at the fact that he was so suave…DAMMIT, KATSUKI! He then walked over to the window, keeping a good distance between him and the witch. 

“Anyway, I’ll bite…is this apple enchanted to put me into a magic-induced coma or an actual poison?” Might as well get it out of the way. 

Victor blinked at this in confusion before furrowing his brow as he leaned in. 

“What made you think of that?” He asked, sounding curious. 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow at the question. Seriously? was all he could think of. What was he trying to do these past three days? “Well, you’re trying to find some ways to kill me while trying to get my guard down, aren’t you? Isn’t that obvious?” 

Hearing that made Victor stiffened as he shifted his eyes from side to side, all the while sweating underneath his hood. 

“I-I don’t know what you mean!” He replied a little too quickly. “I’m just a simple merchant witch!” 

“Who happened to live in the dark forest and constantly stalking me?”

Any excuse or explanation that the witch had died in his throat. Yuuri stared at him, arms crossed over his chest and even tapping his foot a bit. He was actually waiting for him to come up a possible thing to explain him being here at the house. He watched as Victor tried to begin and then stopped on whatever he was trying to say, even stammering a bit. 

After a few moments, Victor let out a defeated groan as he slumped over the window. 

“…I give up!” He wailed. “You got me! You saw through my plans!” 

_It’s not that obvious…_ Yuuri thought sarcastically. 

Though he had to admit, he felt his heart clench a bit when Victor looked up to him with eyes that are akin to a kicked puppy. A kicked puppy that has phenomenal archaic powers of the unknown. And the closest thing to weapons around here are knives and a frying pan. He hoped that the frying pan is made of iron…maybe he could have a chance. But still, it would be wrong to actually hurt Victor if he was like this. 

“But it was the only way to see you without running away…” He heard him spoke, perking up his attention. “Though I have to admit, I was told to bring your heart and…”

“Wait, what?” Yuuri interrupted him, standing up straight. “Who told you to bring my heart…?”

Victor looked up to him, staring right at his eyes as he braced himself against the windowsill. 

“Well, more like contracted,” He specified. “It was from this man who called himself Prince-”

“VICTOR! YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED UP!”

Both Yuuri and Victor jumped at the sound of a familiar voice that interrupted him, making Yuuri leaned out of the window as Victor stepped away just to see a familiar angry looking Yurio.

Who looked like he would want to kill Victor instantly. 

“…Oh, Yurochka!” Victor beamed. “How are you?”

“I’LL KILL YOU!!!!”

…So much for a nice afternoon.


	6. The Tale of the Snow White Pig...through Victor the Witch's eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for those who kept waiting for this...like I said, real life rears its ugly head whenever you least expect it. But we are close to the end so bear with me!

Last time on The Snow White Pig…

“…Oh, Yurochka!” Victor beamed. “How are you?”

“I’LL KILL YOU!!!!”

Now back to the show!

—

It all went by so fast for Yuuri.

For one moment, he was having a small casual conversation with the very witch that had been stalking him for three days straight. 

Then next thing he knew, the witch was kicked in the face by both feet by Yurio. The only conclusion that Yuuri can come up with was that they somehow finished their job early. It took a moment for him to catch his bearings and shook himself out of the stupor before dashing out of the door, find Yurio onto of Victor, trying to choke the life out of him. All the while Victor was smiling that weird (and oddly endearing) heart-shaped smile as he laughs. 

Seriously, who laughs when someone was seriously out to kill you in broad daylight?

Just when he was about to at least try to break up what seemed like a one-sided murder attempt, Yuuri heard a familiar laugh and looked up to see the rest are coming over with Chris in the lead. Not at all surprised or shocked at the spectacle before them. 

“Well, well, well, Victor! Never thought to see your face around this neck of the woods!” Chris laughed.

Yuuri looked up to him in surprise. “You know him!?” 

Victor simply smiled, despite how much Yurio was shaking him.

“Oh, Chris! Hello!” He greeted, waving at him. 

“Don’t ignore me and ACCEPT YOUR DEATH!” Yurio snapped. 

Yuuri was about to ask again, until he was interrupted by someone running out of the backdoor.   
“Yurio!” Phichit scolded, not at all bothered by the scene before him. “You woke Princess Cha Yen from her beauty nap!” 

Princess Cha Yen is one of Phichit’s precious hamsters, and arguably his favorite since he spoiled her the most. Gave her a tiny crown for her birthday celebration even, if his photos indicated. The other two that Yuuri was introduced to were Thong Yip and Mango. He also mentioned that they’re named after some food and drinks of his homeland. Where exactly, he had no idea since Yurio burst into Phichit’s room demanding to be fed (directed to Yuuri, of course). Anyway, back to the present…

Yurio just turned to Phichit with a stare that could definitely kill anyone but the older faerie isn’t someone to be trifled with. From what Yuuri observed so far, he’s like Guang Hong in a way, but more experienced and more than willing to say it to his face. And live and brag about it. 

“Than make your little rat a fucking pair of ear muffs, Hamster Boy.” He snarked. 

That made Phichit gasped dramatically and glared at him. 

“You TAKE that back what you said to my baby, Mister!” Then he took noticed Victor on the ground and brightened up for a moment. “Oh, hi, Victor! I didn’t see you there.”

Victor only smiled at him as he give a polite wave. “Hello, Phichit!” He greeted.

This perplexes Yuuri further.

“Wha…!?” But his question was again cut off by another occupant that is coming out. 

“What’s all with this shouting about?” Kenjirou asked before letting out a rather over the top gasp at the sight of Victor. “YOU’RE VICTOR NIKIFOROV! THE DARK WITCH OF THE FOREST!”

Victor blinked as he sat up, despite the smaller boy on top of him. 

“You heard of me?” He asked innocently. 

“Heard of you!?” Kenjirou exclaimed. “You’re, like, a living legend around here! The greatest witch in the lands! Everyone was in fear of you!” 

“…Funny, you don’t seem to fear me…” Victor pointed out.

Kenjirou just gushed. “I am! I’m practically going to pee my pants! I haven’t been this excited since Phichit promised me a whole album of the candid photos that he made while Yuuri-senpai wasn’t looking! Even when he’s asleep!”

Yuuri done a double take at this newfound information. 

“…what?”

“Really now?” Victor said, sounding intrigued. “I should ask if he would take commissions…”

Just before Yuuri could question on what is going on, someone else came through the back door. 

“What was all that racket out there?” Leo spoke up, as he was quickly followed by Guang Hong. Then he took note of Victor before smiling. “Hey, look! It’s Victor!”

That peaked the smaller boy’s interest as he leaned out behind Leo with amazement. 

“The Dark Witch that has a crush on Yuuri?” He spoke up.

Now THAT one got Yuuri’s attention. 

“Wait WHAT?!”

And one final time, he didn’t get a straight answer when JJ made his fashionably late appearance. 

“Now this is quite a party!” He commented looking around. “I see you’re up to your usual as always, Nikiforov!”

Victor blinked as he stared at JJ blankly. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?” He asked, cocking his head to the side. 

Now it was JJ’s turn to blink before gaping at him in shock in a split second. 

“What do you mean, who are you!?” He exclaimed. “I’ve known you for over a couple millennia now! It’s JJ!”

Victor blinked again. “Janet Jackson?” 

“No, Jean-Jacques Leroy!”

“John Jacobs?”

“Jean-Jacques!”

“Jack Jingleheimer?”

“JEAN-JACQUES!”

“…Phil?”

“…Wha…!? THAT DOESN’T EVEN BEGIN WITH A J!”

Yuuri watched as chaos unfold before him in silence. 

Yurio finally had enough of his time being interrupted and went back on trying to choke Victor who just laughs. Phichit recording everything on his phone. Kenjirou, trying to debate on whether or not he should intervene despite being older than the youngest faerie. JJ scolding at Victor for forgetting his name. Leo and Guang Hong watching and debate amongst themselves on who can win in the fight, Yurio or Victor. 

Soon everything became white noise to him. 

Something deep inside was bubbling…

No, boiling over…

The fact that he was forced out of his house all because of a mirror said that he was prettier than the princess (somehow).

Constantly stalked three days straight by a witch. 

And now…

Now he was told that the said witch was under some sort of contract. 

Mind you all, Yuuri was never the type for confrontation. 

Admittedly, he’s rather timid and quiet, socially awkward at best and keeps to himself. 

But they did say you should always watch out for the quiet ones. 

 

 

 

“ **QUIET!** ”

 

 

They tend to speak the loudest.

Soon enough, everyone stopped talking all together and turned and faced Yuuri who was now glaring at everyone. They had never seen him with such a look before, he was normally even-tempered and trying to play negotiator between their fights even though he failed epically. However today was different in this case. Yuuri Katsuki had enough. 

And he needed answers.

Right now.

Yuuri took a deep meditative breath and exhaled slowly. 

“Would everyone calm down…” He began slowly. Then Yuuri turned his attention to Victor, who gave him undivided attention. “And explain what is going on. PLEASE.”

It took only a moment, but slowly and surely each one get into positions. Yurio, removing himself from Victor as Leo backed up a bit, keeping Guang Hong behind him. Phichit somehow managed to record the entire thing and saved it. Kenjirou was trying to contain his shrieking by covering his mouth, but was shaking. (Yuuri doesn’t know if it was from fear because he rarely get angry, he should remember to apologize to him later). Chris, just casually walked back into the house, mentioning something about getting snacks. JJ simply stepped back a bit as Victor immediately rose up and sat kneeling before Yuuri, giving him his undivided attention. Almost akin to how a kindergartener would be to his teacher.

If it weren’t for the fact that Victor is a (contracted) witch, it would have been adorable…

“Alright,” Victor spoke, surprisingly sounding civil. “What do you need to know?”

“From the beginning.” Yuuri immediately responded, feeling a bit satisfied that he was taking control of this. He had to keep himself in check in case he would go on a power hungry trip. However, he needed to use his under developed assertiveness in order to get a bottom of this. After all, the prince wasn’t THAT desperate to see him dead, right?

He had to restrained himself from twitching an eyebrow when Victor smiled brightly. 

“Well then, beginning it is!” 

“Ooh, just in time!” Chris spoke up, seemingly back from picking up snacks. Yuuri only glanced over and saw that he made some popcorn. And also brought along a basket filled with some fruit and what looked like chip bags. 

Yuuri sighed as he accepted an a fresh apple (thankfully not possibly poisoned) from his friend as he passed some around while the rest gathered around him to have a share of the popcorn. Yuri just grabbed a fistful and shove it into his mouth. 

This is going to take a while…

—

My name is Victor Nikiforov, the Witch of the Dark Woods.

I don’t want to brag but I am considered a living legend among the practicers of witchcraft. 

A true master all thanks to the tutelage of the legendary Baba Yaga. 

(“Wait, which one?” “Shhh…”)

Potions with an artistic show of a bartender at a fancy tavern.

Hexes was child’s play to me. 

Curses, I made them as a work of art. 

I even summoned a high-class Hellhound but since he’s a bit too big, I have him in the form of a poodle. Because poodles are adorable. And I love him, he’s such a baby~. I love him! Oh, you two should meet someday!

(“OLD MAN! Focus!”)

Everyone, from peasant to royalty, sought me out into the Dark Woods for my help. 

 

 

 

 

For a _PRICE_.

 

 

 

Of course I only charge very reasonable price for the peasant folk and slightly high from the upper-crust when it come with gold. I don’t ask for a first born child or something like that, I’m not a monster. 

(“Probably a good thing too…you’d make a shitty dad.” “Yurio!” “WHAT!? It’s true!”)

Anyway~ 

I was in a middle of a little something until somebody came up to my doorstep and practically bang on it. Normally, most people know of my reputation and just knock but then again I just assumed that it was someone who needed a rush job on cursing someone. 

And lo and behold it was a prince! 

So, I thought he needed a little something to improve his looks in order to gain attention of a lucky lady. That is until he wanted to have me…take care of someone. 

(“You mean you’re gonna kill me…?”)

…THAT-THAT was before I thought it was some nobody that he wanted out of the equation! Not that I _THINK_ you’re a nobody! Far from it! 

(“GET ON WITH IT, OLD MAN!”)

Ok, all he said was that he wanted to have me taken care of someone that dared to surpass his sister’s beauty and actually threw a bag of gold at me! Which is kind of strange, since usually gold was actually quite heavy and could injure or kill anyone but I was lucky to have enough magic to protect me!

(“I wish it would kill you…” “Yurio, hush! He’s getting to the good part!”)

So, moving on~…All I got so far in terms of appearance was “hair black as the cherry blossom tree, lips red as blood, and skin white as snow.” So, in order to do my job, I have to scope out the target first. Can’t complete a mission without knowing who your target is or what they look like, am I right? Although the last place you were seen was at your parents’ place- which was rather nice looking by the way, I always wanted to experience a hot spring bath! - so I had to take some other methods in order to track you down. Mainly ask your parents politely to know where you are.

(“…”)

Don’t look at me like that! I nearly got whacked on a head with a broom by this vicious woman with a lot of piercings and wildly dyed hair! 

(“Ah, that might be my older sister.”)

I just said that I’m just a friend to see if I left my hair brush! Though they don’t seem to buy it and just said that he recently moved out quickly, and the last time he was seen, he was at the edge of the Dark Woods -my neck of the _WOODS_ so to speak!

…It’s good, don’t judge me!

But since that the Dark Woods is really vast, but I did managed to let your family let me in (but with some ground rules that is) as well as keep an eye on me. You have really good parents by the way, anywho~ it gave me time to pick up a hair sample and be on my merry way! Even though your sister said to never come back. 

I immediately get to work on the tracking spell, I got the location on where you are! Given to the fact that you have roommates, I have to wait till you’re alone. When they’re gone, it gave me a chance to actually see what is all the fuss was about.

Before (ahem) taking care of you.

That is when…it all changed.

I had to see you for myself on that day…and I can see why that the Prince wanted you dead.

You…you are beautiful.

The description that was given to me didn’t do you any justice at all! Your skin was so creamy and smooth looking like milk! Your dark hair definitely looked so soft even with the color of ebony bark! I actually got lost in your gem-like eyes even if they’re behind glasses! And your lips…your lips…they’re definitely red…and sometimes I wonder if they get redder if I-

(“BACK. OFF.” “…Thank you, Yurio.”)

…Oh, forgive me…

I was about to say something, like a hello or see if you like a commemorative miniature painting, you ran off. 

I kinda got depressed after that.

But thanks to my Mirror, I noticed that you are like a live-in maid to the faeries! So I decided that I should bring you gifts!

(“…Of course you have a mirror…”)

So I thought that the dress would suit you! After all, such beauty shouldn’t be hidden by common clothing. But I have to admit, I was a bit heart broken that the dress was ruined. Even stabbed on the door with scissors nonetheless. 

(“That is MY idea!” “Yurio, shush!”)

BUT I was never one to give up! So then comes the hair comb! …Until I realized that you don’t have long hair at all. 

I…I had to improvise. 

(“That was obvious…” “Shh…”)

I hope that it would fit you. Sure, blue is ok and all but I think gold is better on you. Then I saw the hairpin in the garbage…

(“Yurio~…” “SHUT UP!”)

However, they say that third time is a charm right? Hence the apple! So I thought I would give that one a shot. And lo and behold that you are thinking about making fruit piroshki for tonight! Great minds think alike!

Soooo…that’s the story!

—

“That is…quite a story.” Yuuri finally spoke up. 

“Ah~ la’amour.” Christophe sighed dreamily, now holding an already empty bowl. 

Phichit chewed his last piece of candy bar before swallowing as he recorded the entire thing on his phone. 

“You know if you weren’t being such a creeper, I would ship you guys!” 

“PHICHIT!” Yuuri exclaimed, whipping his attention over to him in shock. 

Phichit just blinked innocently at him. 

“What? I mean, how are you feeling so far when you wore that hairpin yesterday? Aside from that dress.” Then he paused before turning to Victor. “Speaking of which, you have another design?”

Victor brightened at this. “Of course I do! I actually know this dressmaker who made my clothes! I even used the mirror to calculate the measurements off of Yuuri!”

“PERVERT!” was his only warning as Yurio launches himself upon the witch once more. Meanwhile Yuuri thought about it when Phichit asked about the second gift. It was only a short time that he wore it before Yurio demanded him to hand it over so he could break it into pieces. He was half-expecting to be poisoned or something like that but he was…fine. No nausea or fainting spell, nothing for the past few hours until they have come home. But then again, it could be the slowest acting poison spell that had yet to take effect. Although, he had yet to feel anything that is resembled sickness. 

Although, there was this one question…

“Hey, Victor…?” He spoke up.

“Yes?” Victor immediately responded, pushing Yurio’s face away from him as he tried to claw his own face off. 

“That apple isn’t drugged or anything?” 

Victor was about to speak until Yurio cuts in. “OF COURSE IT IS! IT COULD BE SOME SORT OF MESSED UP DATE-RAPE DRUG THAT IT WAS DIPPED IN!”

That is when the Witch did a double take and stared at the smallest faerie in shock. 

“Yura!” He gasped, sounding appalled. “I’m very disappointed in you! Sure I concoct the best brews in the kingdom and cast spells, but I never resort to that! You know me!”

“You CAN! And you WILL!”

“But it was how condemned as an illegal practice to create love potions!”

“Hold on a second!” Yuuri cuts in, finally walking up to the two. “Victor, was that just an ordinary apple?!”

“Well, yes.” Victor replied, smiling warmly at him. “I have to admit, it took me all day yesterday to find the freshest and juiciest apple among the barrel!” Then he paused as he stared up at him with eyes filled with adoration, something that Yuuri would never thought that a witch like him would be capable of. 

“After all…you deserve the best.” 

Everything that kept functioning in Yuuri’s head immediately stopped when he said that. Growing up, he didn’t find himself very attractive, and had made peace with that. Besides he had little to zero experience in the relationship department. Though having admiration from Kenjirou and some uncomfortable passes from Chris were new to him…as well as some tidbits about Phichit’s hobby and how he was using it. 

But this was the first time that someone actually went out of their way to actually try to give him gifts. 

And for three whole days nonetheless. 

And additionally by a witch that was meant to assassinate him. 

However, he still needed to know one more thing. 

“Hey, Victor?” 

“Yes, Yuuri?”

“Is the prince that you mentioned was from the Crispino family by any chance?”

Victor blinked as he looked up to Yuuri with surprise. 

“Yeah…how did you know?”

Before Yuuri had the chance to make a response, there was a sound of trumpets blaring which surprisingly sounded like a royal entrance fanfare. Everyone stood in surprise for a moment before common sense finally kicked in. They all immediately went around to the front yard and notice that there was what seemed like a royal entourage just on the front porch. There was even a white carriage that was parked up front, pulled by the most magnificent horses that he had ever seen. Yuuri blinked when he noticed the familiar family crest upon the door surface and immediately realized who that was. 

The man what he presumed was a herald strode up to him and cleared his throat. 

“Presenting their royal highnesses, Prince Michele and Princess Sara of the House of…” However he was cut off by another voice from the carriage. 

“They might already know by now! There’s no need for that!” 

The carriage door was slammed open to reveal Princess Sara of the Crispino House herself. 

She was just as beautiful as the people have spoke praises of. Indeed her hair was dark as ebony, skin kissed by the sun itself, and eyes of lavender. And seemed to be miffed, which oddly made her look adorable rather than marring her features as she stepped out of the carriage-not before politely refusing help from one of the attendants- and dragging out by the ear was her twin brother. He winced at each step as she made her way up to Yuuri, placing on a pleasant smile and keeping a good hold on her brother’s ear. His begging for her to let go fell deaf on her ears. 

“Good afternoon,” she greeted politely. “I am Princess Sara of the Crispino House. I do believe you and I need a little talk about something?”

Already…this has been officially the weirdest three days that he had ever experienced.


End file.
